Finding Peace In Cognitive Dissonance

Proverbs 2:2

You’ve probably been advised against talking about politics, money, and religion at some point in your life, right? But why? I understand that those topics can be controversial and cause uproars, but it is for those same reasons that they should not be kept quiet.

We are taught certain beliefs from the moment of our birth. Additionally, we grow up usually surrounded by people who support those beliefs, so there is little to no opportunity to think otherwise. For that reason, when our thoughts do get challenged, we are stubborn to accept those ideas that appear contradictory. This conflict of new versus old ideas often leads to distress. In the psychological world, this is known as cognitive dissonance. People typically take one of two options to release the stress: change themselves to match the new information or justify their way of being by modifying their reasoning.

Justification is the most common way of dealing with cognitive dissonance. It is also the easiest since it is more comforting to continue on the same path than abruptly changing directions. And this is reasonable since our brain has a hard time adjusting to change. If someone asks you for your address, but you have moved recently, it is likely that you will recall the old address with ease but will struggle with the new one. In essence, it takes time to make room for further information when there is already something in that memory space (note: we don’t have designated areas for things we learn, but it helps to explain this concept).

Nevertheless, this does not mean we shouldn’t listen to opposing views just because they cause headaches. There can be benefits to knowing what others believe. For one, it allows us to understand others better. We can see that our differences are not as significant as we often make them out if we listen. Sure, some people do things out of pure self-interest, but many want the betterment of society. Communicating is the best way to decipher what is right. And this communication is best when done in person. You might get the gist of what I am trying to say in my posts, but I will never be able to express my point of view on a website efficiently. I have no idea how you interpret the words on the screen. Unfortunately, I cannot address your comments instantaneously. Suppose we were to have a dialogue in person. We would see each other’s facial expressions and make clarifications when needed. In that case, it might be easier to understand each other.

Now, I am not implying that we all must think the same. Not at all. Differences of opinion are inevitable when more than one person is involved, so it is close to impossible in a world of several billion.
There are too many things that influence how and why we each think a certain way—culture, language, and personal experiences, to name a few. But this is not to discredit letting others know about the world’s truths.

Yes, we are free to hold on to our beliefs, and no one can force us to change them, but I believe we should give each other a chance to understand the opposing side. Maybe we are not improving because we lack the resources that someone else might have. How can we know that we are missing something if that something had never been introduced?

Sometimes that uncomfortable feeling when discussing controversial topics is due to a lack of knowing how to explain our views. Maybe you only believe what you do because it’s what you’ve heard all your life, or because it is what the majority believes, or because you have an emotional attachment to such ideas. Whatever it may be, I’d suggest thinking it through logically and being confident in what you believe. If you want the best for others, your views shouldn’t cause much discomfort when challenged.
I’ll leave you with this final message: remember that we are all human beings worthy of respect. It is possible to disagree charitably.

Challenge of Today: Carry a civil conversation with a relative whom you tend to disagree with